It’s interesting how certain comments from the past can linger and resurface when you least expect them. A few years ago, someone close to me made a remark that stuck with me: “You always want to make people feel like they need you, don’t you?” At the time, I didn’t think much of it, but over the years, especially when I’m helping others, that comment has a way of creeping back into my mind. I’ve often found myself wondering, “Am I helping someone because I need to feel needed? or I want them to feel like they need me? Is that what’s driving me?” I don't want anyone I choose to help to feel that I am helping them for my own gratification...and certainly not back then either but it has always stuck with me since.
But recently, after reflecting more deeply on it, I’ve come to a much-needed realisation: the issue was never with me, but with the person passing that comment.
Helping others isn’t about filling some kind of emotional void or seeking validation. For me, it’s always been about making a difference. Like today, when I transported an elderly lady in a wheelchair to a wedding—this wasn’t about being needed. It was about being able to make someone’s day a little brighter and more comfortable. When I came home afterward, I felt humbled and fulfilled, but not because I felt “need”—because I felt I had contributed something meaningful.
In the past, that old comment would have triggered self-doubt, leading me to question my own motivations. But I’ve grown to understand that this comment had nothing to do with me or why I do what I do. It was a reflection of the person who said it, perhaps projecting their own insecurities or misunderstandings onto me.
We often carry the weight of others’ perceptions far longer than we should, but it’s important to recognise when those perceptions don’t align with our truth. My joy comes from helping people who appreciate it, especially when they can’t offer anything in return except their gratitude. That’s what drives me—knowing I can bring a bit of ease or joy into someone’s life.
I’m finally at peace with knowing that my desire to help is not about being needed, but about wanting to make a difference. If you’ve ever found yourself second-guessing your motivations because of something someone once said, remember that only you know your true intentions. The power lies in understanding that their words don’t define you.
Helping others is a strength, not a need for validation. And if you find fulfillment in making a positive impact, don’t let anyone’s comments make you question that.